he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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