We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
