That's intense
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
