You're a womanizer and a bitch.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Randomize
