did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
