He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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