This is not my ceiling
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I smell like Dick and happiness
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