That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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