Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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