Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
