she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
