I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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