Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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