please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize
