I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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