I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
