I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
