promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
