Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
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