I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
