Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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