Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
