New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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