Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Randomize
