gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
