He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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