Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
