They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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