White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Someone shattered a urinal.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Blood and glitter go together right?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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