my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
