I feel great
I just peed on a car
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I AM VODKA MAN
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
