I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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