shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
someone owes me an orgasm
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
