so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
