I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
