so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
