Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
