She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
