Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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