You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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