it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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