He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
