just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Lo siento on account of my penis...
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I wear drunk well.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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