and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Your cock deserves a montage
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize
