i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
