I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
