i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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