no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Randomize
