My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
