Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
