I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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